Barbie Meets Feminism: Breaking Free from the Plastic Mold
I recently watched the new Barbie movie, and I was unexpectedly struck by its powerful feminist undertones. As the Indigo Girls' iconic "Closer to Fine" serenaded me from the screen, I felt my heart swell. Who better than Amy Ray and Emily Saliers to set the stage for a discourse on sisterhood and feminism?
Reality Versus Fantasy: A Bitter Pill
Barbie's whimsical world, where young girls are told they can be anything they aspire to be, has evolved since its inception. But as the film points out, the real world can be starkly different, highlighting the oppressive nature of a patriarchal society. The gap between the utopian Barbie realm and the real world leaves an indelible mark on women's psyches—often as early as middle school and persisting into adulthood. I see this bitterness manifest daily in my therapy practice, resurfacing at 40 just as it did at 14.
The Paradox of Womanhood: A Monologue for the Ages
America Ferrera's compelling monologue, delivered through her character Gloria, puts it eloquently:
“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong.
"You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.
But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.
I'm just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don't even know.”
Embracing Imperfection: The Antidote to Patriarchy
So, what can we do? First and foremost, let's reclaim our power. Instead of being held captive by our inner critic, we need to cultivate self-compassion. When the world or social media imposes unrealistic standards on us, or when we're canceled or ostracized, our own sense of self-compassion must come to our rescue.
Learning to Fail: A Lesson in Mastery
In a society where biting criticism—especially towards women and girls—is pervasive, learning to navigate failure is crucial. I often remind my clients that mastery doesn't come without a few scraped knees. So give yourself the grace to stumble, rise, and find your footing again. This is the path to growth.
The Power of Being Real: A Final Word
As we walk this path, let's trade our stilettos for Birkenstocks, and the unrealistic standards of womanhood for authenticity. By embracing our true selves, we can dismantle the internalized shackles of patriarchy.
Need Someone in Your Corner?
If you identify with this struggle and feel you have no support, consider seeking therapeutic guidance. A therapist can help you cultivate self-compassion and set healthy boundaries, providing you with the tools to not just survive, but thrive.
