Surrogate Partner Therapy in the news

In today’s New York Times, there is an article about Surrogate Partner Therapy. Many learned that this therapy existed when the movie, “The Sessions” hit the theaters in 2012. It is a poignant true story based on the life of Mark O’Brien, played masterfully by John Hawkes. In the movie, Mark is a polio-stricken man in an iron lung, who at 38 decided to lose his virginity and seeks the services of a surrogate partner played by Helen Hunt, who was nominated for an Oscar for her role as a supporting actress. The movie is currently available to rent on Amazon Prime.

Many were unaware and surprised in 2012 and some still are, that such a therapy exists. Surrogate Partner Therapy is indeed a real thing and a vital service for some clients. This therapy is designed to help clients grow in areas such as relationships, communication, consent, touch, body image, and intimacy. First developed in St. Louis, in the 1960s by human sexuality pioneers Masters and Johnson, Surrogate Partner Therapy in the United States is ethical and legal.

Originally Masters and Johnson focused on sexual dysfunction., with success being measured by the couple being able to engage in heterosexual intercourse. Today surrogate partner therapy is more LGBTQ-inclusive. It centers on intimate relationships with an affirming, and diverse lens, focusing on the larger relationship skills umbrella.

Surrogate partners are certified through the International Professional Surrogates Association (IPSA) after completing 100 hours of courses. Surrogate partners work with the sex therapist and client to mentor, coach, and help clients meet their treatment goals. Surrogate partners can help clients understand different types of touch, develop social and sexual skills, and support the client in healing.

A collaborative format known as the Triadic Model is employed in this therapy. The triad consists of the client, the sex therapist, and the surrogate partner. Initially, the sex therapist evaluates whether the client is an appropriate candidate for this type of therapy. The therapist and surrogate partner collaborate on a treatment plan to meet the therapeutic goal of the client.

The issues a client works with the surrogate partner on are specific issues that can’t be resolved through talk therapy alone. A temporary relationship is formed between the surrogate partner and the client so that the client can learn social, emotional, and physical intimacy skills within a real-life environment. The sex therapist supports the client throughout the process, before, during, and continues on, after the program with the surrogate is complete, to help generalize the client’s experience and integrate the new skills into their daily life.

Typically surrogate partner clients are not in a relationship at the time of treatment, with no realistic ability to enter into an intimate relationship on their own. Clients may have a history of trauma or abuse, high levels of social anxiety, disabilities, or other concerns that prevent them from believing that they can enter into a successful intimate relationship without therapeutic support.

The work of surrogate partners is often misunderstood to center around intercourse and explicit sexual contact. In reality, the work revolves around supporting the client in building foundations of self-awareness, healthy boundaries, good communication, relaxation and ease, and a positive body image before more deeply intimate contact is considered. Some clients are never sexual with their surrogate partner, working instead on being able to engage in the foundations of intimacy without being hamstrung with paralyzing anxiety and shame.

The Surrogate Partner Collective (SPC)

Certified surrogate partners continually assess the readiness of the client to engage in therapeutically relevant activity using specific criteria. The activity must be necessary for the client to reach their goals and the surrogate, sex therapist, and client all agree that a foundation has been established, allowing the activity to be corrective and therapeutic. Working in this Triadic Model with a sex therapist and surrogate partner can be life-changing for clients.

But is this legal?

Although a licensed psychotherapist is prohibited from entering into a physical relationship with clients, that prohibition doesn’t extend to the surrogate partner, and when a client requires relational experience a surrogate partner, like any other professional a psychotherapist might refer to, is an appropriate referral to make. (1,2)

Surrogate partner therapy is not illegal. It never has been. There are no laws that prevent clients from seeking Surrogate Partner Therapy. There are no laws preventing therapists from recommending and collaborating with surrogate partners or that prevent surrogate partners from practicing. On the contrary, therapists are encouraged to refer and consult with other professionals and institutions when it is in the best interests of their clients.

In 1997, Kamala Harris, Wice President of the United States, former United States Senator, and former California Attorney General, stated:

If it;s between consensual adults and referred by licensed therapists and doesn’t involve minors, then it’s not illegal. (3)

We are a nation founded by the Puritans so it is no surprise that even in 2023 this question comes up. In reality, many clients struggle for years or decades in their quest to overcome their obstacles to emotional and physical intimacy. Sometimes talk therapy is only one component of treatment. These obstacles are a real source of shame and emotional pain.

In conclusion

Although Surrogate Partner Therapy is often misunderstood it has been around for more than 60 years. It is a time-tested ethical and legal therapy, proven to benefit many clients. It is collaborative work between a client, a psychotherapist who specializes in sex therapy, and a surrogate partner, integrating somatic, intellectual, and emotional well-being to help clients experience intimate connection and learn skills they can integrate into their lives going forward.

Refences

1. American Psychological Association. (2017). Ethical Principles of Psychologists and Code of Conduct; Principle A: Beneficence and Nonmaleficence. https://www.apa.org/ethics/code/principles.pdf

1. Nhu, T.T. (1997, October 4). Her Mission: Sexual Empowerment. San Jose Mercury News. 4B. ​

For more information see The Surrogate Partner Collective https://www.surrogatepartnercollective.org